So if you are struggling with anything that feels like a dead end or wasted time or regret, know that you are not alone and that, uncomfortable as it may be, you are right where you are supposed to be. My mother can go and pack up her late sister's belongings, and as she remembers, feel tremendous sadness. But it is also in the service of helping her two beautiful nieces move forward to something new, something glorious. Don’t be afraid to pull the strings apart and start over, to trust that this place you feel stuck in isn’t the best there is for you. There is more. There is a softer and looser, not always faster and easier (cardboard baby blanket), way to intertwine all that has come before in order to get you to what happens next. I have to be willing let go of how I thought it would look, stop rationalizing (“cutting it to fit” as my Grandmother used to say) reasons why it could be passable, and try again to refine by starting at the beginning.
I fully expect that even when one arrives to that new place it will be imperfect. Strings may come loose through the years and it might even get a bit chilly from time to time, but all the scrappy pieces of what you know and have learned will braid together and you will be in the right place with a blanket.